The Best Penis Bongs for Girthy Hits

January 28, 2021by cannabunga0

Penises and bongs have a lot in common, as both can provide you with a pretty good time. Therefore, penis bongs can really set the tone for a fun smoke session.

A penis bong is a great pre-wedding gift or upgrade from pipes for smokers who love the dong. Whether your penis bong broke like John Wayne Bobbit or you’re ready to come out of the penis bong closet for the first time, here are the top bongs that look like male genitalia!

THE STANDOUTS

Veinier is better! The accents on this penis bong also double as filtration that makes swallowing so much easier on the lungs!

MOST COMFORTABLE

Penis Bong by Waxmaid

Sit comfortably and clear your bong as you customize where your mouth sits on the head! Plus, the silicone exterior makes for an excellent Kung-Fu grip!

Top 6 Penis Bongs

Picking out a penis bong is hard work. That’s what she said. She also helped us compile this list of best penis bongs to make your shopping experience more pleasurable.

We’re going to cover:

  • The best penis bongs for traveling
  • Which penis bong preserves the most flavor
  • The prettiest penis bong to display

1. Penis Novelty Glass Bong

If you’re torn between getting a penis statue or a bong, you can get both with the Penis Novelty Glass Bong. This pipe looks like an ice sculpture. You can proudly display this bong when you’re done smoking, as long as phallic doodads are your thing.

This girthy fella also has great filtration for cool puffs of flavorful smoke. Its round base is accentuated with veiny accents. These also allow smoke to trickle in and out of the design crevices, creating more filtration as it rises up the shaft.

If you’re looking for a durable bong, this piece is made out of THICK glass. It’ll survive a few dings. However, we still suggest using two hands when handling this one-eyed monster.

Features:

  • 7.9 Inches Tall
  • 2 Inches Wide
  • Thick Glass
  • 45° Angle Joint
  • Fixed Glass Bowl Downstem
  • Carb Hole

Pros:

  • Aesthetics Actually Add Filtration
  • Very Life-Like, Sure to Be A Conversation Starter
  • Very Durable
  • Rubber Ring Around Bowl Makes Strong Suction That Prevents Splashback

Cons:

  • Bowl Is Connected to Stem, Which Makes It Challenging to Clean
  • Large Carb Hole Is Prone to Water Spilling Out

2. Penis Bong by Waxmaid

Get high with this psychedelic mushroom-tipped bong! The Penis Bong by Waxmaid is bound to catch anyone’s eye across the room and strike up a convo at a party.

Like any girl’s favorite vibrator, this penis bong is made out of silicone. That makes this piece damn near indestructible.

The mouthpiece is what makes this bong such a great pipe. Its hole is rather large, allowing plenty of room for escaping smoke to enter your mouth.

Your lips will grip comfortably around the head, which expands as it makes it way towards the chamber. While it might look sexual, this design allows you to tailor your suction for optimal comfort. That makes this dick shaped bong one of the most customizable for bong clearers!

Features:

  • 6 Inches Tall
  • Silicone Body
  • Glass Bowl
  • Carb Hole

Pros:

  • Really Cool Looking
  • Great Mouthpiece That Allows You To Comfortably Clear the Bong
  • Silicone Base Will Survive A Dropping or Two

Cons:

  • Can’t See Smoke Rising Up Through Chamber
  • Little Filtration Means Hotter Hits

3. Ceramic Water Pipe – Penis

When it comes to maintaining the flavor of your bud, you’d be hard-pressed to turn your back on the Ceramic Water Pipe – Penis. Ceramic is nontoxic and allows for smooth, clean hits.

This type of material takes a while to heat, so it automatically cools the smoke upon combustion. Therefore, this piece is great for big hits that expose hints of citrus, berry, or other notes in your bud.

If you have a tendency to tip over bongs, this is one of the sturdier options. The solid base is directly under the large testicles that house the bowl.

Speaking of the bowl, it’s definitely the lowlight of this bong. If you’re a size queen, it’s very small. You’ll find yourself having to pack more than once in just a single smoke session.

Unlike the Penis Novelty Glass Bong, this one’s bowl and downstem are removable from each other. That makes this bong easier to clean than some of the others on this list.

Features:

  • 10.2 Inches Tall
  • Ceramic
  • Removable Bowl and Downstem

Pros:

  • Ceramic Is Durable and Doesn’t Hold Heat, Making This An Easy Travel Companion
  • Sturdy Base Makes For A Great Table Bong
  • Easiest to Clean of the Bunch

Cons:

  • Very Small Bowl, Might Need to Repack A Few Times
  • Really Heavy, Passing Around Might Be A Challenge

4. Dick Bong

Didn’t think a penis bong can be chic? Reimagine phallic bongs with the Dick Bong. This aptly-priced $69.69 piece is sure to get the job done and will look good while doing it.

The Dick Bong is a glass bong that doesn’t have the veiny attention to detail that the Penis Novelty Glass Bong does. So, it’s a lot less off-putting aesthetically.

It still has excellent attention to detail around the head. There are even some life-like rings that add last minute filtration. This accent will whip your smoke up into a consistency that easily flows into your mouth!

Its removable downstem makes the bong really easy to clean. It also has a really strong stopper suction. That way, you don’t lose any precious THC!

Features:

  • 10.5 Inches Tall
  • Glass
  • 18/14mm Removable Downstem

Pros:

  • A Great Gag Gift With Far Less Veins Than the Penis Novelty Glass Bong
  • Wrinkles At Head Allow for Last Minute Filtration
  • Removable Downstem Is Easy to Clean and Has Great Suction
  • Very Large Handle On Bowl Makes It Easy to Clear Bong

Cons:

  • Less Filtration Than the Penis Novelty Glass Bong

5. Silicone Phallus Bong

Want a bong that’s ribbed for your gripping pleasure? Then, invest in a Silicone Phallus Bong.

This veiny water pipe has lifelike accents all around the shaft and texturized testicles. These add to the design and make holding the bong more comfortable to pass around.

It comes with a very deep glass bowl that will last a few lights. The bowl has a handle for clearing.

However, it’s not as large as the Dick Bong’s. So, you might not whip the bowl off the opening as smoothly.

Since it is silicone and 8.5 inches, this is one of the more travel-friendly bongs. You don’t have to worry about it retaining heat after use.

Just pack up and go. Plus, this silicone dingus can withstand a couple of dings en route!

Features:

  • 8.5 Inches Tall
  • Silicone
  • 14mm Female Joint
  • Glass Bowl with Handle

Pros:

  • Silicone Exterior and Size Make This Bong A Great Travel Companion
  • Deep Bowl Lasts Multiple Light Ups
  • Excellent Attention to Detail

Cons:

  • Handle On Bowl Can Be Hard to Grip When Moving Fast

6. “Big Boi Johnson” Penis Ceramic Water Pipe

Let’s be real, the “Big Boi Johnson” Penis Ceramic Water Pipe looks like it came straight out of a modern art museum. It’s also the perfect gag gift, heavy emphasis on gag, for those who like an ebony schlong. If that’s not typically their thing, once they go black, they’ll never go back with this pipe.

The only thing more beautiful than this pipe is how it hits. It comes with a threaded metal bowl that preserves your bud from falling in the water. So, you’re bound to get more THC per hit!

Also, it’s made with ceramic. This type of material will preserve the flavor. So, you can puff away on this penis and enjoy every inhale.

This piece has a fixed downstem. Plus, it’s black. So, it’s challenging to clean and see any lingering residue. So, this bong might not be the right one for those who obsessively clean their bowls.

Also, don’t let the name fool you. It’s not the tallest bong on this list. So, if size matters, consider the Ceramic Water Pipe – Penis.

Features:

  • 8.5 Inches Tall
  • Ceramic Black Glaze
  • Fixed Downstem
  • Metal Threaded Bowl

Pros:

  • A Real Beautiful Piece
  • The Threaded Bowl Saves You From Wasting Weed
  • Great Flavor Although Little Filtration

Cons:

  • Awkward to Clean
  • Not As Big As the Name Implies

Final Verdict

Your friends will gag over this gag gift. There are so many penis pipes and so little time.

So, don’t stress choosing the right penis bong. They’ll all do the trick!

If you want a penis bong that gets you high, offers some filtration, and is easy to clean, then consider the Dick Bong.

The Dick Bong is chic and functional. Its removable downstem makes cleaning a breeze. Plus, its deep bowl with handle makes clearing a piece of cake, if you don’t have gag reflexes.

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