6 Penis Pipes for Gag Gifts and “Personal” Use

January 29, 2021by cannabunga0

A penis pipe is the perfect bachelorette gift or an excellent way to pay homage to two of your favorite pastimes — weed and dong. But, so many penis pipes, so little time… am I right?

Sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. When it comes to buying a new pipe, you might not have enough time to spare.

So, we’re speeding up the process and saving you from putting your mouth on some bad penis pipes!

Nothing gets the party started quite like a pipe shaped like a schlong. Wanna go all night long? Then get high with these six phallic pieces.



Onyx Penis Pipe

6 Penis Pipes for Gag Gifts and "Personal" Use

This stone penis pipe is just 2.5 inches long but can get the work done on-the-go. Stone helps cool down smoke, so you can take a quick hit and put back in your pocket within minutes!


“Penis Pipe” Worked Spoon

Penis Pipe Worked Spoon

Get mouth-deep in smoke with this all-inclusive penis bowl. It has one of the deepest basins to accommodate fists full of herb!

The Best Dick Shaped Pipes

We all like to get lit and laid. Merge both of these worlds and create the ultimate smoking experience. Swipe left on these six penis pipes.

We’re going to cover:

  • Which penis pipe is the prettiest
  • Different material used to make penis pipes
  • How to find a penis pipe to match your personal preferences

1. “Penis Pipe” Worked Spoon

6 Penis Pipes for Gag Gifts and "Personal" Use

If you’re looking for just the tip, you’ll get plenty of it with the “Penis Pipe” Worked Spoon. This bowl has one of the largest mouthpieces. You can comfortably grip it with your lips to create the ideal suction for optimal smoke inhalation.

The “Penis Pipe” Worked Spoon celebrates diversity. Its lifelike colors were hand-mixed by artists. So, you can sample all the boys’ parts and see which pipe you prefer puffing on.

This pipe is accompanied by sets of veins. They encompass the outside of the shaft, which also creates support while the bowl is sitting. If you tip the table, it’s more likely to lean on a vein and sit back upright.

While this piece is really thick, its bowl isn’t the deepest. In fact, the basin is rather large, which would infer you’d have a lot of room to pack weed.

However, it’s rather shallow and will require a few refills. So, expect to go a few rounds with the “Penis Pipe” Worked Spoon.


  • 4.5 Inches Long
  • Thick Glass
  • Three Hand-Spun Color Tubes
  • Made In California


  • Love the Artistry, Handmade Colors Is A Neat Touch
  • Excellent Flare for Mouthpiece
  • Veins Add to Table Stability


  • Shallow Bowl for Such A Large Basin
  • Small Hole in Mouthpiece Makes It More Challenging to Clean

2. Onyx Penis Pipe

6 Penis Pipes for Gag Gifts and "Personal" Use

Make your bed rock with the Onyx Penis Pipe. While it’s small in stature, it knows what it’s doing.

The stone doesn’t compromise any flavor and naturally helps cool down the hot smoke. That way, you can enjoy the taste without scorching your tastebuds or causing a coughing fit.

At just 2.5 inches, there is quite a bit of detail. Even the lips at the mouthpiece separate like an actual penis.

Be careful when handling. It is a bit heavy.

While it won’t shatter like glass, it will fall to the ground at a great velocity. As a result, repeated drops can chip this novelty pipe in time.

Ahem: if you’re more into bongs, check out these penis bongs here.


  • 2.5 Inches Long
  • Onyx Stone
  • Four Options


  • Unique Material That Doesn’t Compromise Flavor
  • Stone Naturally Cools Down Smoke
  • Small and Easy to Travel With


  • Heavy, Can Crack With Repeated Drops
  • Due to Its Size, You Must Repack Frequently

3. Mr. Johnson Penis Glass Pipe

6 Penis Pipes for Gag Gifts and "Personal" Use

Turn your penis into a spectacle with the Mr. Johnson Penis Glass Pipe. This one is a smoker and a shower!

The Mr. Johnson comes in two options that are bound to dazzle your eyes. You can get the color-changing clear pipe.

We love that the tip becomes either pink or gold. Meanwhile, the balls remain blue unless you cup them right!

Otherwise, you can opt for the black Mr. Johnson that glows in the dark. You might never turn the lights on again after a night with Mr. Johnson!

If you are all about proportions, this piece is anatomically correct. In fact, they’ve updated their collection to create more lifelike tips, shafts, and testes.

When it comes to comfort, this is the best to hold. The shaft is well-defined and fits perfectly nestled in the palm of your hands.


  • 8 Inches Long
  • 6-Ounce Weight
  • Color-Accented Glass
  • Color Changing or Glow in the Dark Options


  • The Color Changing Options Are Phenomenal, A Lot of Fun
  • Veins in Chamber Force Smoke to Filtrate
  • Great Contour On Tip For Comfortable Mouthpiece


  • Small Bowl, Might Need to Pack Frequently
  • Holes Are Small, Difficult to Clean

4. Empire Glassworks – Large Black Penis Hand Pipe

6 Penis Pipes for Gag Gifts and "Personal" Use

The Empire Glassworks – Large Black Penis Hand Pipe looks a lot like the glow-in-the-dark Mr. Johnson, minus all the frills. However, it comes at the same price!

We must say, in terms of sturdiness, this is the best penis pipe. Its ball-to-tip ratio is the perfect distance to create a solid foundation. In the event the bowl tips, it won’t roll off the table due to its external veins.

Just where the balls/bowl sac meets the bowl is a nice divot to place your fingers. You can comfortably kick back and chill with this penis bowl.


  • 5 Inches Long
  • Glass
  • Vein Accents
  • American-Made


  • One of the Deepest Bowls on this List
  • Very Sturdy, Great Shaft Support in the Tip to Balls Ratio


  • Very Plain Looking Compared to Others
  • More Expensive for What You Get

5. Stone Carved Penis Hand Pipe

6 Penis Pipes for Gag Gifts and "Personal" Use

Sometimes we like to keep our love for penises a little closer to the vest. We want to have a little inside joke with ourselves that others might not catch onto.

Instead of something outlandishly a penis, like the Onyx Penis Pipe, you might want to opt for a more inconspicuous stone pipe. Check out the Stone Carved Penis Hand Pipe.

At first glance, this piece looks like it belongs on a chessboard. Your friend who is reluctant to smoke out of the Mr. Johnson will crack up when they realize they’re slurping away on a schlong.

For a small pipe, it has a pretty deep bowl. You can get a good amount of herb in there and take hits throughout the day.


  • 5 Inches Long
  • Polished Stone


  • More Discreet Than Others
  • Easy to Travel With
  • Bowl Holds A Decent Amount of Herb for Its Size
  • Large Hole and Small Stature Make It One of the Easiest to Clean


  • Might Not Have Enough Penis Qualities for Boy Crazy Smokers
  • Not the Prettiest Bowl

6. Empire Glass Rainbow Rod

6 Penis Pipes for Gag Gifts and "Personal" Use

Whether you’re gay, transitioning, or like the whole spectrum, there are plenty of reasons for the LGBTQ+ community to celebrate penis. Let your pride flag fly with the Empire Glass Rainbow Rod.

This all-inclusive piece has many colors within the extended LGBT family swirled into the design. Even intersexual, trisexual, and agender colors are represented!

Of the penis pipes, this one has the deepest bowls. So, get a fistful of herb and pack it real tight to let yourself get nice and loose!

Its raised veins accentuate the shaft and make for a comfortable grip. Pass around at the next Pride Parade without fear of it dropping.

If the pipe does fall, you have a good chance this penis will survive. It’s made of thick glass that keeps coming back for more hits.


  • 5.5 Inches Long
  • Rainbow-Colored Glass
  • Carb Hole
  • Vein Accents


  • Very Inclusive for the Extended LGBTQ+ Community
  • Real Great Bowl Depth for Long Smoke Sessions
  • Nice Grip with Veins


  • Has A Tendency to Roll If Bumped On A Table

Final Verdict

Finding the right penis is the key to happiness for many of us. It’s especially important when you’re looking to trade up from your favorite girly pipe.

Once you’ve locked your lips on the right tip, there’s no turning back. You will definitely experience love at first sight with any of these peters.

However, we have to put a good word in for Mr. Johnson Penis Glass Pipe. We have the most fun with him.

The way he changes colors, especially when he’s experiencing blue balls just adds another layer to the overall experience. Friends have a great laugh passing around Mr. Johnson, whether the lights are on or not!

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